#67 "Otto's Summer Vacation" August 6, 2013

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I had been sitting on this blog post for a while, and now it has come back to bite me in the buttocks. I should have written a nice puff piece about Syracuse University athletics. I should have written about my lifelong fandom of Syracuse football, basketball, and lacrosse. I should have listed all my favorite basketball teams, players and eras. But I didn't. I waited too long, and now this picture has been convicted by the University to be illegal enough to warrant banning this year's basketball team from the post season.
For those of you who don't follow men's college basketball, Syracuse has had a very good team every year since I was a child. Growing up in Syracuse, the basketball team helped everyone get through brutal winters and gave us something to cheer about in those dark times. I grew up and moved away from Syracuse, but my fandom stayed with me, until it reached it's peak in 2003 when Syracuse won the National Championship game with Carmello Anthony, Gerry McNamara, and a whole bunch of talented young men and a swagger that would have taken them to the Promised Land again the next year, had Carmello not gone Pro. Since then, I still watch numerous games throughout the year, and always watch The Cuse in The Tournament. Not only to I watch and cheer them on in the Tournament, when I fill out my brackets, I always have them winning the whole enchilada. Some people tell me that the method I use is insane and will never win me any money, but hear me out. If I won some money on my brackets one year and I had The Cuse not winning, it would be a hollow victory. Second, and more of a nightmare for me, is what if The Cuse did win and I had picked someone else to win it all over The Cuse? How would I live with myself?! For the rest of my life, I would say, "Yes, I am happy we won it all that year, but you'll never believe I picked Loyola to win it all!" Bonehead move! So, I always have them winning the whole thing, and I have only seen that happen once. It's not as crazy as it sounds, either. The Cuse is usually ranked in the top ten every year, so the probability of them winning the whole thing each year is actually pretty good. Better than Loyola's chances, for instance.
So, this year, Syracuse is on probation and it's 2014-2015 season is shot. The Seniors won't be able to play in the Post-season at all this year. The reason why is pictured above. That's right, Otto the Orange is a degenerate druggie. No, actually, the real reason is way more boring. It's about possible manipulation of grades, hours that interns were given, and other boring things that all Universities with huge football and basketball programs do, but only some are getting caught or being made examples of. I wish they were on probation because of Otto's weed abuse. Otto was born to The Cuse in 1980. Prior to that, the mascot was an indian, or "Saltine Warrior," since Syracuse was once known as The Salt City. Native Americans successfully petitioned against the Saltine Warrior in 1978, and the mascot was dropped from the University. They went through one more iteration before Otto came on the scene. Then, Otto wasn't an "official" mascot of the University until 1995. It was around this time that Otto started smoking pot. You see, the team was really good back then, and Otto was a little nervous about becoming "Official." So, he started smoking grass, and he really liked it. This continued for fifteen years, and what a great span of time that was! A National Title game in 1996, a victory in 2003, the longest (and greatest?) game ever in 2009, and so many great young kids to smoke with! Well, the NCAA caught wind of what Otto was up to on off days and after the crowds had left The Dome for the night and they were not happy. They started hounding the University until finally they had no choice but to self-impose a post season ban. Otto, of course, is devastated, as he always travels with the team in the post season. Upon hearing the news, Otto invited the whole team to his little cave underneath The Dome for one last killer session before giving up marijuana forever.
Or, until next summer.
Until then, you can see Otto cheering on his beloved Orange at home games from now until the season ends in March. Then, we'll pack up this miserable season and get on with our lives, eagerly awaiting next year's hopefully "Probation-free" year. As for the Cuse-free tournament this year; I might still have the Cuse win the whole thing. Sure, they won't actually be in the running, but I bet they still have better odds of winning it over Loyola.

#62 "Blue Shirt, Period." In Color!!! June 6, 2013

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Picasso's Blue Period only lasted for 3 years, but the name will live on forever. It is said that he was severely depressed at this time, as his friend had just committed suicide. His subject matter turned to the fringe members of society; beggars, prostitutes, and thieves. At the time, the paintings were not well received by the public or by Picasso's own art dealers, although now they are some of his most popular works and the name itself is synonymous with "the brooding artist." I'm sure every artist goes through a "blue period" of some sort, even though the artist might not be actually painting in blue. In Tim and my case, I doubt this could be considered our blue period, but when I posted it to Bookface, I did mention that we were now entering our blue period. I was merely making a joke about this two-headed artist's choice of palette for his little masterpiece (that and the heavy use of the color blue throughout the picture). On top of that, the title of this drawing is a play on the uniform we wear at the restaurant. When I first started, the uniform was a blue, button down shirt with a tie of your choice, jeans, and a bistro apron. For the most part, the uniform has stayed the same, but we do have a couple people on the staff now that have taken some creative liberties. Phillip tends to wear a lot of color and a lot of patterns both on his shirts and on his conservatively wild ties. He has real style though and his shirts are always pressed so he can get away with it. I still maintain the original "uniform" most of the time unless I am behind the bar, although Dien has been wearing wild shirts behind the bar for nearly 20 years. There are waiters in this picture, although they must not work with us as they have some crazy attire.
It's hard for me to pinpoint when Tim and I had a "Blue Period," if we have had one at all. The thing about an on-going project like this one is that a lot of the work is done at such different times and over the course of so many days that there is probably blue period aspects in many of the drawings. But, since there is other "periods" in the same picture, you can't tell the difference. Also, 2013 was an incredibly productive year for me and the whole "Mind on Loup" series. Since I had essentially taken 2012 off to work on children's books, 2013 saw a huge increase in production in the "Mind on Loup" drawings. Not that we were drawing them faster, it's just I had a ton backed up from 2012 and colored them in at a furious pace. In fact, I put out about 30 colored versions in 2013, so that marked the most productive year ever. To put that into perspective, this year I have only put out 18 and the 3 years before that I put out 52 combined. It's a lot of numbers, I know, and I will stop with all this math. The long story short is that the Blue Period for the "Mind on Loup" series is impossible to trace. I'm sure Tim could show you some of his drawings from a low point in his life, and I could certainly show you some pictures that I drew while depressed, but they would probably be on different pictures in different time periods. Also, since the drawings remained uncolored for sometimes almost 2 years, the original drawing and the colored version would have almost nothing in common as far as mood is concerned. I may have been depressed while drawing the purple cloud or the orange mechanical fish(?) but by the time I got around to coloring it, I am not even sure I remember what the thing is that I am coloring.
In a lot of these drawings I can remember drawing the subjects and I can remember specific events surrounding the drawings. This is not one of them. The only thing I vaguely remember about drawing this one is the thing on the far right-hand side, because Edie could not believe it and questioned me tirelessly about what it was. Even then I had no real answer. Now, looking at this drawing, I could not tell you without the help of my records when it was originally drawn. Anytime between now and 2011 would be my guess, although I kind of know that it was much closer to the latter. Not that any of that matters. I think that once this project runs it's course there will be good ones and bad ones and ones that are just part of the project. I think this one will be the one that will symbolize our "Blue Period." Why not, right? If we really did have a blue period, why not have it be this one? This one will be the stand-in for our depressed, brooding period where all we worked in was blue ball-point pens on blue tinged Triple-Dupe pads whilst drawing pictures of Smurfs, blue prostitutes wearing Craz-berry Ring Pops and only listening to the artist Blu.

#54 "The Ones That Mother Gives You" April11, 2013

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When I was a teenager and everyone started experimenting with drugs, pills weren't part of the regiment. Of course there were pills circulating the subcultures since forever, but for some reason, pills weren't part of the cocktail. We were more interested in getting a couple of beers, some pot, and the occasional psychedelic. But pills didn't come until later. Prozac was brand new, Ritalin had just been introduced and Adderall wouldn't come out until 2002, the year I moved to New York. Of course there was other pills to take in the 90's, but they were a rarity until 1998; at least with my friends and I. Although, I feel like if you were doing some graphing of recreational pill use, 1998 would be a point where the graph spikes sharply. I remember my last couple years as a Phish head (yes, I am fully recovered, thankfully) the scene changed so much that it was hard to score marijuana in the lot. Even mushrooms were gone and it was all replaced by pills, predominantly Ecstasy and Molly. But there were stories of kids easting a ton of Molly at night and then chasing it with mood stabilizers in the wee hours and in the morning. That would help you with the crash. These days, the Molly culture is shadier, because the pills come in capsules filled with powder that may or may not be Molly. When two kids overdosed and died at Randall's Island last summer, they thought they had taken Molly, but probably more likely took a pill that had all sorts of crap in it including Bath Salts. I'm not saying that taking pills from strangers back in the day wasn't as sketchy, I am merely saying that these days, there are more sophisticated designer drugs out there for you to take, and a lot of them are not the highest of quality (pun intended?).
In fact, when the Silk Road was busted and shut down late last year, some people saw that as a bad, and dangerous thing. The Silk Road is an online drug store, literally. You can buy anything from Weed to Coke to Heroin to Molly. The DEA shut it down in October 2013 and arrested a couple people involved, mostly because there had been vague posts on the site about being able to buy "hits" on people from the site. That information will come out during the trial, no doubt, but in the meantime, the Silk Road was up and operational a month after it was shut down. Some people feel that buying drugs from that site is safer than buying from strangers or small-time dealers. The reason is that it is a meritocracy for drugs, meaning if you are selling some Heroin on the site and it is bad, or weak, people will complain about it and give you a bad review. It's like Amazon for the drug world. So, in this instance, the drugs you buy from it are more pure, and safer because they come with instructions, almost like a real prescription drugs. There are recommended doses, purity levels, and even a doctor available online to ask questions about the products. Of course, doing drugs is dangerous no matter what the internet says, but everyone knows that dealers on the street are cutting their drugs to get the most for the money. That goes back as far as time itself.
Kids have always experimented with drugs, whether it was booze, or drinking a bottle of cough medicine, there has always been the interest in altering one's mind state. This probably dates back to when we were still hunting and gathering and every once and a while someone would ingest something that wouldn't necessarily kill them, but make them sick and vomit and then see some crazy stuff in the form of hallucinations. From there, they would remember that plant or mushroom and it became a spiritual thing. Nowadays, it's more about having a wild night and less about getting closer to some sort of god. And now it's more about pills than ever before. You can tell just by the commercials that play during the Super Bowl. When I was a kid, the anti-drug commercials were about pot and cocaine and "Just Say No" and all that. Now, they are about knowing what's in your medicine cabinet and keeping your adult pills away from your teenagers.
Of course, not everyone wants to experiment with drugs, as the prospect of doing so is sometimes kind of scary. You see Uma Thurman overdose in "Pulp Fiction" and drugs are the last thing you want to try for the first time. But I feel like some people are inherently drawn to drugs and alcohol from some deep code hidden in the genes. That, plus an adventurous, rebellious streak. However, a lot of kids are on drugs from a young age these days because of medical conditions. Asthma, Attention Deficit Disorder, Depression, Anxiety, dietary problems, all of these are conditions where kids as young as 10 are starting to take pills on a daily basis. When you are taking pills that sometimes drastically change your bodies chemistry, every day from the time you are ten, taking a couple Molly pills when you're a teenager is going to be easy. 

#46 "Sacajawea's Nightmare" November 23, 2011

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It has been a while since I posted last, and I just want to apologize to my 8 readers. Sorry! I guess the last time I posted, summer was here and I just needed to get outside! Yeah, right. I spent a lot of time at the Cafe Loup this summer, more than any summer since that year I only had one weekend off all summer. When was that? 2002? Oh well. It was a good summer, though. We had some fun and even when we were incredibly short staffed, we managed to eke out some dollars and cents and have a decent summer. That time of year is always a little slow at the Loup. People want to eat outside, our regulars go away to houses on the beach or in the mountains, and we are left on 13th Street with the scraps! That's right, tourists and the locals who don't go away. We had a good name for them over the summer. It was: The Leftovers.
I'm not saying that leftovers are bad. I have pizza in my refrigerator right now that is going to be an incredible snack later that will fill me up with food and leave me happy until dinner. On that same note, I have pickled herring in a jar that I never ate and has been expired since 2010 (which I should probably get rid of but there's sentimental value there?). Of course, we have plenty of regulars who stay the summer who are amazing and always a pleasure to see, but The Leftovers are the bad ones. The ones who we would see night after night and cringe at their very presence. Of course, going up to their tables, we put on a happy face and ask them how they are beating the heat, and boy was it hot out there today! That's the thing about waiters; they can be total con artists. I consider myself a pretty amiable guy; I like most people. This is the main reason I moved to New York City. I didn't move here for the Theater District or the lovely weather. No! I moved here for the people! Can you believe it? I had been living in physically beautiful places like Cape Cod and Colorado, and I gave all that up to move into a little apartment in Brooklyn because I like to be around people. All people, any people. Some days when no matter what I do, I can't get around all these people, I wonder what I was thinking back then, but most days I am happy with their company. Anyway, back to the con artist thing. Nine times out of ten, when a waiter comes to your table, they greet you with some pleasantries and a smile at the very least. They tell you some things and take your order, smiling and being nice. I don't have to tell you that 5 times out of 10, they are putting that face on and as soon as they turn their back, the frown returns. It's not that we don't like you as customers. No. You are the people paying our bills. We live on your tips to make ends meet. However, being nice to everyone all the time can get tiresome. You know the feeling. You have coworkers that you hate, but since you see them every day, you play nice so that the day passes without incident. Now, multiply that by 100 and you are a waiter. We not only have to play nice with our coworkers, but also the people who will eventually be paying us: You. That's where the con comes in. We have a lot of misbehaved customers and regulars who routinely make our lives at the Loup miserable. These people made up the majority of The Leftovers and are the people we constantly have to con, although most days you wish that they would find another place to haunt for a while. But no, we smile and chat and they would never know that they are the Problem Child to our John Ritter. So, I guess that doesn't make us con artists because we are still providing a service. I guess that makes us insincere. However, wouldn't you rather be lied to than have us be openly hostile to you? Wouldn't you like think, "I'm not the one who causing these people stress, it's that guy over there."? I guess that IS a con afterall: making you think and feel that you are a special flower, if only for the time it takes to have dinner. News flash: you ARE a special flower (but only during dinner at the Cafe Loup).

#43 "Two Twenty Two in the Garden of Eden" in Color October 26, 2011

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This one was posted right after my birthday in 2011. I must have been working on the coloring for a while because I know I wasn't working on it on my actual birthday. That was what I now call my "burger birthday." The night before, I had gone out and stayed out late with a couple buddies and my friend Andy Nauss ended up crashing at my house. The next morning we got up and were both in the mood for burgers. We went over to the Cafe Colette and each had a burger. Their burgers are incredibly underrated. In fact, they are the perfect breakfast burger; sweet, savory, and with the "special sauce," perfect! As you may or may not know, breakfast also doubles as lunch for me, so my next meal would be dinner. I went over to my friends house in Carroll Gardens and invited a bunch of people over for a cookout and birthday activities (drinking and smoking). We ended up getting burgers and grilling them out on the porch. I said something like, "funny, this is the second burger I've had today." and Tim looked at me and smiled a huge smile. The reason for his giant grin would become apparent all too soon. After everyone was fully noshed and setting in for the old food coma, out came the birthday cake, which was in the shape of a giant cheeseburger! My friends had gone out and gotten the cake without the knowledge of my breakfast choice, and had simply gotten the cheeseburger cake because of its absurdity. Obviously I loved it, but when everyone found out that I had only eaten burgers on that particular day, it became truly funny and poignant. I don't want you to think that I only eat burgers, although I do love them. At the Loup I have one about once a month, and sometimes actually crave a Cafe Loup burger. They are pretty darn good, some say the best burger in New York City. While high in the running (top twenty at least) I think best in NYC is a bit of a stretch. I think Best Burger on 13th Street is a better assessment. However, they are delicious. I can never eat a whole burger there anymore though. I will usually get one and cut it into quarters and share with whomever is working that night, doling out quarters. I can eat three quarters tops, and that's if no one really feels like sharing, but I find that half of the burger is more than sufficient to my needs.
I remember this picture taking a long time to color in. There is a lot of action happening and a lot of intricate little characters. The thing on the left I tried to keep the same color from the spilled bitters on the faces of the people growing out of the alien head. That also goes for the little "world dog" over on the right. They are different colors because we used two different kinds of bitters for those stains. This was when we were staining the dupe pads with bitters to add some color and also as a motivational tool. There's nothing like some randomness to help spurn creativity. You might have done that activity in your high school art class. The teacher would've asked you to draw completely random things, possibly without looking, then make you find some sort of shape in the randomness and turn it into something you can grasp. I remember liking that activity although now I think that most people will see what they always see, like in a Rorschach picture. I always draw faces, so I would probably will a face out of the chaos. Maybe not, sometimes when I look at the clouds I see monkeys on jet-skis and bears on the couch. I guess if I looked at any of these things today, I would see a cheeseburger. I bet you all a quarter that we will have burgers for staff meal tonight at the Cafe Loup.
I'll keep you updated.

#42 "Space/Time Kissing Contest" October 12, 2011

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This one didn't start with the wine stain. I'm not sure if the wine stain was on purpose or not, either. I am pretty sure, the girl on the bike and the fox were the first things drawn here. The fox was actually drawn by Tim's girlfriend Catherine. Or, it was a collaboration. That was when Tim and I still worked together on Sunday nights. I still work the bar on Sunday night, so if you're not doing anything on Sunday, come down and hang out with me. Tim couldn't take the jazz any more. That, and Sundays are a nice day to spend with loved ones, not at a bar or at work, which are one in the same when you work at Cafe Loup. I personally miss him working on Sunday night, as it is my favorite shift at the Loup. For me, it is because I am the bartender and I love being behind the bar. It is so much more enjoyable than waiting tables. It is very different, anyway, which is why I like it so much. Waiters get no respect, while bartenders get all the love. I think it's because the bartender is the last person between you and the booze. A waiter is but a middle man; if your waiter won't get you some booze, you can always bypass him and get it straight from the bartender. The bartender is the guy who can cut you off and throw you out as well. Generally, a waiter has to go through a manager to throw someone out, although I guess they have the power to cut you off as well; but then if you are sneaky, you could always just go straight to the bar! We no longer have a traditional "manager" at the Loup anymore. Ardes is the de facto manager, but she also owns the place, so she's wearing a bunch of hats. I like this about the Loup as I feel like there is a special place in hell for restaurant managers. I have been saying that for years although I stopped for  a while after our last manager died. But then I thought about it, and if there is a traditional hell, like the one portrayed in the Bible, than our last manager is definitely there. He was the poster boy for behavior that would warm up your seat in hell for you. After he died, we didn't get another manager. We have a couple people who are close to being management, but they don't want the title, the pay, or the responsibility. I don't blame them; that is one thankless job, which is probably why managers get the reputation as hell-bound jerks. If you think waiters get no respect, managers get less than no respect; they are in the negative integer column! They are the ones who police the staff, so obviously no one likes them. They have to be there when the place opens and stay until it closes, so when you have 18 hour days every day, you're going to get a little cranky and short tempered. I understand this, which is why I would never want to be a manager myself. I am perfectly happy to stay behind the bar on Sunday nights spilling wine on the Triple Dupe Pads and turning its stain into a one-eyed, ample breasted alien girl with a high pony tail and diddly-boppers, thank you very much. Now, if I could just get Tim to come back and work with me, it would be perfect!
All of that having been said, this one remains one of my all time favorite T&J drawings.

#40 "Motivationally Speaking" July 31, 2011 In Color.

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So, then there's marijuana. Right smack dab in the middle of this drawing is a large, pink bong who's smoke is turning into a many-toothed, one eyed monster who is being eaten by another monster of similar variety but of a different color. This could only be imagined by someone actually smoking the bong at the top of the page, right? Yes, and no. We don't actually have a bong at the Cafe Loup. In fact, the last time I saw a bong like that (other than on St. Mark's or in the head shop) was probably in college, filled with a mixture of water and Vick's VapoRub. Anyway, smoking weed at work is one of the worst things one can do for themselves. As a waiter you have to interact with all sorts of people,  do math equations and speed and timing is of the utmost importance; all of which can be highly stressful and uncomfortable while high on the wacky tabacky. One time I was working at a place called Clancy's on Cape Cod. This was a no-nonsense place where we were busting out 300 dinners a night and the pace was frenetic. Every waiter was required to work one lunch shift a week because no one actually wanted to work lunch. The shift was not financially viable and the slowness and nice weather during the summer made it a grim shift. So, one day I decided to try out some pot brownies I made right before going in to work my lunch shift at the restaurant. I only took a tiny corner because I didn't know how strong the brownies were and didn't want to be baked at work. Well, as you can imagine, I was baked at work. The brownies kicked in right about the time we opened up, after all the coffee and sidework. And wouldn't you know it, we got slammed. I was running all over the place trying to make things work. I was forgetting everything possible so I had to make 3 trips where usually I could do it all in one. The cooks all knew I was wasted so they kept messing with me and then when we were all in the weeds, their fascination turned ugly and insulting. All of this made for the worst shift of my life. After that day, I always thought that if there was a hell, that's what I would be doing; an endless lunch shift that's increibly busy, with the worst customers, bad tips, and stoned to the bone. Forever.
Now, in general, there is a lot of pot smoking in the restaurant business. That dude from Waiter Rant is always talking about dishwashers smoking weed, where the waiters prefer the booze. I would say that that is probably pretty accurate, except at the Loup. Our dishwashers are certainly stone free, although we used to have some dudes who liked to smoke a lot. I think there is a description somewhere in the archives about one of them getting me so high I had to sit at the bar, not talk to anyone and draw one of these drawings.  However, those days are gone, and there are only a handful of stoners left at the Loup. I'm not sure if that is because everyones getting old or if it is merely a coincidence. I, however, would recommend marijuana to anyone who wants to, or is currently waiting tables. Maybe not during service, but certainly afterwards. I really feel like it gives you some perspective into your day. Yes, it may have been a difficult shift for many hours. Yes, your co-workers may have ripped you off and been complete idiots on the floor. Yes, you may have been stiffed by a bunch of old people who were nasty in the first place and even nastier after that second Manhattan. Yes, all of this and more may have happened, but now all the customers are gone, the co-workers are gone, you have a pocket full of money and you are really, really high. All of that petty nonsense can be washed away and let go. Everything is going to be A-Okay.
That is, until your next shift. And then it starts all over again. Better restock!

(P.S. I was really happy to bring the "Brooklyn Ol'Dirty Bastards" football team back for this one. Some of you might remember this football team from Tim & Jeremy #7. If Brooklyn ever gets a professional football team, I hope they take this team name into consideration.)