#53 "All Hands" In Color! January 14, 2013

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Yelp is a great website and every once in a while when we are bored at work, we'll bring up the Yelp reviews of the restaurant and read all the bad reviews. The bad ones are way more entertaining than the good ones, so we try to figure out who these people are and who served them. It's a fun game and it passes the time, but fortunately we get mostly good reviews. However, there are some really passionate people out there who love the things they love and HATE the things they HATE and are more than happy to post them on Yelp. Take, for example, our friend Mison L. from Hawaii. She really hates the restaurant. 

So, here is her review in full for your cringeworthy enjoyment.

"I HATE this place. HATE! It was bad from start to end with rude, inattentive and snappy waiters to someone eating our leftovers and us not finding out until we opened the containers up the next day. 

This is food that is something that got whipped out of my OWN kitchen. Basic spices, BORING rice, PLAIN yams, and 3 unseasoned broccoli... we ordered the chicken breast and duckling entrees. The duck was covered in some sweet and sour glaze!! It was straight out of the kitchen of some Chinese restaurant!

The waiter was a dick. He's older with glasses and a silly face. He also behaved like he was on cocaine or speed. We had already ordered from someone else when he came by and dropped another pair of menus, which was just confusing because the other waiter acted like he was going to serve us. Then he rambled ON AND ON AND ON about what we had already heard from the first waiter until I cut him off and told him that we had already ordered. 

"You already ordered?" He asked with a SASSY ASS tone.

"Yes."

"What did you order?" He did this weird nod.

"WHO CARES? Go and ask your friend." 

And then he had the nerve to ask in the most condescending way, "are you okay?"

"Are YOU okay?" I snapped. Buffoon, just get our food. 

He did give us a complementary order of fries because the duck would take so long... I wish I had eaten more fries. 

That duck was plain Jane and the meal can overall be described as "hearty." Who wants HEARTY French food? It was something I expected out of Medival England. 

Oh yeah, we were never served again. I had to stand up for the check. We didn't even want to finish our food so we had it to go and this morning we learned that someone had eaten half of our leftover portions before packing them. WHAT A BUNCH OF LOSERS. 

I HATE this awful place."

-Mison L.

I copied and pasted straight from Yelp. You can read more of this person's reviews if you want but this one sums up all the bad ones pretty well. We all think we know who her waiter was but when she accuses us of eating her leftover, that's just the best part. First of all, we are fed quite well most days at the restaurant, and most of us have worked there for a very long time and have had everything on the menu many times. For us to eat leftovers when we could simply order anything we want is just crazy talk. However, if this person knew how much we all love this review at the restaurant, I think they would be even more angry about the place. We read this review every once and a while just for a laugh like you would tell a joke. In fact, when we're having a stressful night, Edie and I sometimes quote the first line, and we both know that it came from this review, and not out of a dark place in our souls. The icing on the cake of this review is the last part calling us losers. It is so fitting because we call ourselves and everyone who comes to the restaurant Loupsers, since that's the way the word "loup" is pronounced in french. So, this person somehow knew what we are, or we started calling everyone loupsers after this review. Who nows which came first, but I never thought I would love something this negative before. 

It just goes to show you that one persons hate is another one's love. 

"Mind on Loup" Art Show Opening Tonight!

Join Tim and I tonight to celebrate our first Art Opening!

We are showing three prints (T&J #68, #74, and #77) at HiFi Bar on Avenue A in Manhattan this evening as part of the Launch Show. There is a lot of great art on the walls and we'll be partying and having a couple beverages. Thank you to all of our friends who are putting on the show and thank you to everyone who have been there since the beginning of this crazy project. It's been a fun trip!

#48 "The Last Macy's Day Parade" December 14, 2011 in Color!

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I have always loved Thanksgiving and in New York, it is indeed a special day. When I was a kid, I would go to my grandparents house and we would have a bunch of people over for breakfast. The menu would be entirely made up of different types of pie. My grandfather liked mince meat and pecan pie. I liked apple and pumpkin. The house would be full of people and everyone would be milling around, eating pie, and watching the parade on TV. Eventually, I grew up and as a teenager, I may have slept through the parade every year, but gotten up for the pie. Then, when I moved to New York, I couldn't wait for Thanksgiving to actually see the parade in person. I know, it's pretty hokey and the crowds are insane, but this was a thing I had been seeing on TV my whole life, and now I finally lived in New York City and I could walk out my door and see the spectacle in person. I was also videotaping everything at the time, so giant balloons floating down Broadway was just the thing for me. I must say, the parade does not disappoint. It is an absolutely crazy experience in person. The fact that there are a million people watching it makes it all the more exciting (albeit slightly annoying at times). The marching bands culled from all over the country blaring their marches, the semi-famous and super famous people and their intricate floats; it's all an incredible display. Granted, it is all basically just a prelude to Black Friday these days, gearing all the consumers up to get great deals at midnight at Macy's. The original idea behind the parade was for all of the newly acclimated immigrants who worked at Macy's to celebrate their new American heritage. But even then, it was really just a publicity stunt for Macy's itself. Over the years, it has become the largest Thanksgiving parade in the nation, and is the one that is on television every Thanksgiving at 9 in the morning. When I first went to it, I was propelled by the sense of irony that I felt towards this event. I have always thought that the balloons are aesthetically pleasing objects and are more than the sum of their parts as most of them are giant advertisements for toys or other products. However, though pleasing to the eye, I thought the whole event was really the worst part of Capitalism, namely the commodification of something that should hold special significance to the country. Thanksgiving, after all, is a day to reflect on all of the good things that one has in life. That is a great reason to celebrate! You are not dead! You should be happy about that, at least. The Parade, I thought, took all of that and threw it out the window, replacing it with a three hour long advertisement for "The World's Largest Department Store" and the things in sold within it's avenue-long walls. But then I attended the event in person. It actually was a celebration of the good things in life! Fun times, music, dancing, people working together to create something for others, community; all of these things were represented and I was so excited about it. It was one of those times where you are so cynical about something, and it surprises you and turns your frown upside down and shows you that, although you might still be right about the broader social implications, at the heart of the event, it is still a parade and parades are supposed to be FUN! Now that I have attended the Parade numerous times over the past 10 years, my next goal for the Thanksgiving Day Parade is to be in it. I would like to hold one of the balloons and march down the street in a "Clifford the Big Red Dog" outfit on and be part of the action. I would like to be on one of the floats with Selena Gomez and throw out candy to all the kids who come in with their parents from Long Island and Westchester at six in the morning. Someday that's going to happen and I will wave to all of you watching on TV, eating your pie for breakfast.

#47 "Herpes or Hairpiece?" December 16, 2011

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The title of this piece comes from the website Bacon or Beercan. For a while it was just the "bacon or beer can" guy, then they added the "Hairpiece or Herpes" guy, who, if you go to that website you might know from the nightly news. Or not. I was one of those people who thought the whole thing was hilarious, so I named this piece after it. Mostly, because of the figure who appears in the left-hand side of the picture with the microscopic penis and the spots. Also, the guy holding him up could be wearing a hairpiece on his face. It could also be a merkin, I'm not sure. At any rate, I couldn't originally figure out the point to this one, so I gave it the arbitrary name. It may have something to do with sickness. It could be a fever dream. My fever dreams used to always involve math. I would go to sleep thinking that I wasn't sick, and then spend all night sweating and dreaming of more and more complex math nightmares. A lot of time, the problems weren't in the real world, but looked more like the code from The Matrix moving along in different plains in varying forms of difficulty. I was never able to solve these problems and would wake up sweaty and sick. It was so common when I was sick, that I could tell in the dream that I was getting sick just from the math problems showing up in the dream. I have never missed a shift at the restaurant for being sick. Sure, I have been sick at work before; I'm sure everyone has been at some point, but I have never actually missed a shift on account of sickness. That includes hangovers. Are there times when I should have taken off? Heck Yes! I have been in rough shape for work plenty of times, but I always pushed through it. Knock on wood, in my adult life, I have only been sick enough to miss work a couple of times, and those times all magically fell on my days off. Then, when I had to work again, I would pop some Dayquil and show up and wait those darn tables, by golly. I think if waiters had some sort of Union, you wouldn't have to do that. In fact, I'm pretty sure that it's not even right to do that. Showing up to work with the flu is just mean to your co-workers and customers. But then, if you go into an office building with the flu, you are just as likely to infect the same amount of people or more, what with the central air and ventilation systems and what not. So what's a person to do? You can't miss that much work even if you DO have sick days. So you go to work and say, "Well, I hope these people all took their flu shots." You suck it up and work. People have been doing it for as long as there has been work. I'm just glad I don't have to work with Scarlet Fever or The Plague. That would've been difficult, although I'm sure people have done it. I mean, of course people have done it! Think of those poor dudes who had to dispose of the bodies! They probably had the same sickness and just worked until they climbed in the wheelbarrow themselves and had someone take over for them. 

#45 "Fever Dream" November 17, 2011

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Nostalgia is a powerful feeling. Sometimes you can remember lyrics to a song you haven't heard in fifteen years, or a certain smell will transport you instantly into the deep past. Miriam Webster describes nostalgia as homesickness or "a wistful or excessively sentimental yearning for returning to or of some past period or irrecoverable condition." The second definition is aptly applied to many people who patronize and work at the Cafe Loup. The Loup serves a large portion of Greenwich Village's elderly population who have lived in the neighborhood since the 60's or before. Every night you hear people talking bout the history of New York and the history of the neighborhood. For a culture that doesn't care that much about history, (since ours is so new, and also because America is obsessed with the newest thing and the future) Cafe Loup customers and employees are obsessed with New York's recent history. People always ask how long the restaurant has been open, what was in the space beforehand, where it was originally, who used to own the place, and on and on ad nauseam. The Loup is actually the perfect place to have these conversations because it is actually a place that has no clear place in time. If, for some reason, no one was using their cell phones on a given night, one might think they have travelled back to the 90's, or even further. There are no computer screens, our cash register is the old pre-60's kind with all the great big push buttons. The bar itself is older than I am and the decor is black and white photos from Brassai and Irving Penn. It has a timeless quality that instantly makes people feel nostalgic. A lot of times I will engage in these conversations by answering questions about the past for customers, but a lot of the time, I get very frustrated about this constant harkening back to the old days. Don't get me wrong, I love listening to Jay tell stories of New York in the 1960's and beyond. I love New York history, and the history of America in general; I find it fascinating and have always agreed with George Santayana's famous quote, "Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." But there is a difference between forgetting the past, and being obnoxiously vocally nostalgic about it. Mixing alcohol and nostalgia is sometimes a warm and fuzzy place with fond memories and great stories. It is also a place of bitter resentment for the present and a rose colored version of a past that was probably just as bleak and depressing as the present that one is lashing out against. You might know what I'm talking about, people saying things like, "New York was so much better when it was dangerous." and "New York has lost all of it's edginess." People who say these things and things like them are always so bitter. I understand that they have a certain amount of pride in surviving New York in it's horribly gritty heyday, but just because I wasn't living here/ alive at the time, doesn't mean I'm not a New Yorker. Yes, I would have liked to see the Velvet Underground at Max's. Yes, I would've loved to see the Talking Heads and Television at CBGB's, but I didn't. I can imagine it and read about it and listen to the live recordings, and that's it. Having lived in New York for 11 years now, I am sometimes nostalgic for the New York of 2001, but that is a rarity. I am happy with what New York has become, and I am happy with my life as it coincides with New York's life trajectory. I guess those people who are so violently nostalgic really are homesick. They have become unmoored and feel that the life they are living now may not be their own; that this place, while resembling something from the past, is not, in fact, their real home. They were home in the past, and this time in their life is mysterious and menacing, making them uncomfortable and bitter. They escape to the past to try and grasp the notion of home, while the memories of that time grow more and more abstract while at the same time more comforting. I always think that these people should leave New York, if this modern incarnation upsets them so much, but then I think about the rest of America, and how foreign it feels to people who are used to the frantic pace of New York. Someone who lived in New York for so many years would be completely lost outside of the city, and so instead, they stay here and come to the Cafe Loup and bitch about how everything used to be great and how everything now is awful. Maybe one day it will all come full circle for them and they will find their home again. Until then, the Cafe Loup is open seven days a week (except on the 4th of July).

#44 "Shakespeare In The Park" November 7, 2011

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To tell you the truth, I haven't read that much Shakespeare. I've read Romeo & Juliet, Othello, and Hamlet. I think that's it. I've seen Sleep No More and The Donkey Show, but both of those are loose interpretations; the latter being very loose, if you know what I mean. So, I would try to wax poetic about the picture here being an interpretation of Billy's works but I am afraid I am not knowledgeable enough to do that. Of course, there are all of the characters that Shakespeare liked to write about pictured here. There is the hero, pictured here holding a rabbit, (or cat; let's make it a cat to really double up on symbolism) looking off into space with a knowing look; as if he knows of his impending doom and is foreshadowing the coming storm with a sense of calm and helplessness. As if he can do nothing to stop his fate. He wears headphones to block out the advise given to him by friends and family and even has an Ego growing out of his head. His ego looks down on him, unable to change his mind, although in constant dialogue with him; a sad expression on its face, also foreshadowing his grisly fate. The hero (or possibly tragic hero) is being carried in a baby bjorn by an eyeless, sexless being, possibly the narrator, possibly a spiritual being who is "carrying" the hero to his predestined future; both unseeing and uncaring, the being merely delivers the hero's destiny as written by the stars. Behind these characters is the crazy woman, the Ophelia of the picture. You may remember her from Tim & Jeremy's #21 where she first appeared in a seemingly much older form. In this incarnation, she dances at the peripheral as the men make the big decisions and ultimate downfalls. She becomes marginalized and dances her way out of the picture, literally, with her socks drooping and feeding her hat all the while. Next, we have the villain. Here he is pictured as a high school aged cat (not unlike the kind the hero has been "carrying", amIright?) smack dab in the middle of the composition. He is like Iago, stabbing the proverbial lamb in the heart with a smirk on his face implying that he will probably get away with it, or at least bring down the entire kingdom while doing so. The lamb, in turn has a surprised look, like he should have known the knife was coming, like his own fate was to die by the knife in order to become the martyr or rallying cry for the kingdom to seek revenge. The revenge can possibly come from the character right in front of him, the king. The king looks old and regal and wields a hedge trimmer, eyes wild with bloodlust. He swings the hedge trimmer wildly, out for blood of those who have been trying to manipulate him into laying down the crown and give it to the evil high school cat. He really wants to cut down the plant behind him, but he has been blinded by fantasies of revenge so powerful that his hedge trimmers cannot find the source of his ire, which is the plant. The plant obviously represents the ghosts prevalent in many works of Shakespeare. No one in the picture even notices this plant, although they should as it has a head, teeth and is sprouting small heads each with it's own mouth and eyes. The plant sits on the edge, watching the living souls play out their irrelevant drama, as it waits patiently to be joined by one and all of them. They will all eventually die, and since this is a work of Shakespeare, they will all die relatively soon. But wait! Is that a band in the background? It is! The band provides a little comic relief, like that of the jester or Puck in A Midsummer Night's Dream. The lead singer adds some sex appeal by exposing himself while the backup singer provides the comedy so needed in this tragedy by throwing up and the band plays on. This is merely a stage show! Look over on the side, there is the audience, silent and ghostly, observing but making no comment; an act made difficult without mouths. They observe the unfolding drama as judges, unable to provide assistance to any of the participants in the play and must sit and watch the action unfold. 

This is certainly an entertaining way to look at this one. It gives it some weight where there may not have been any in the first place. But isn't that so Shakespearian? Ordinary lives take on extraordinary properties and turn literature into scripture, passed down for the ages that repeat themselves forever.

#43 "Two Twenty Two in the Garden of Eden" October 26, 2011

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These drawings that Tim and I do are an exercise in randomness. The drawings are done over the course of a couple days, weeks, and sometimes months. We only work on them at the restaurant, and then only when we have some extra time or are inspired by something or another. In this one, we dripped two different kinds of bitters onto the Triple Dupe Pad and then drew the characters from the spots. After a couple passes at the drawing, there is still never a true narrative and as I have said a couple times on this blog. Sometimes there never is one true narrative. The viewer can make up their own story about what is happening in the drawings. So, the fact that this one is about the Garden of Eden is completely arbitrary. It could be about space aliens invading the earth or about how Jim Morrison defended the Alamo from a horde of Mexican robot animals. It's really all about being random. I think that people need to categorize randomness into something that they can understand. No one really likes randomness because it makes them feel out of control, like they are not the master of their reality. I guess I am like this as well, since I am always trying to steer these drawings into something cohesive instead of just a random bunch of lines and spots on a Triple Dupe Pad, which they are. Finding the meaning in these drawings is almost impossible because they are done by two people over the course of a long time who maybe don't know what they are thinking about when they are drawing these pictures. So, later on, once they are finished, I take them home and conjure up a meaning for them in my head and give meaning to them through their title. I am almost positive that neither Tim nor I were thinking about the Garden of Eden in the least respect while drawing this picture. I know I was not. However, there are the two central figures, nude (but for a hat) in the middle of an incredible variety of animals, many of whom are no longer living and have been extinct since the time of Eden. These two people, though small, bring the picture together as an allegorical Eden. Had they not been right in the middle of the composition, or in it at all, the picture would almost certainly be about something else. Take them out in your mind and you see a bunch of animals, some monstrous multi-headed beast, and some clouds over a landscape. I am also sure that if some people of the church saw this, they would certainly call it sacrilegious. They would say that it looks more like The Garden Of Earthly Delights by Hieronymus Bosch, signifying man's decline and descent into hell. Our greatest bar regular, Richard always says that Tim and I are the modern versions of Bosch anyway, so that would be okay with me. I always liked that painting; it was so weird and so different from what was happening in art at the time. Western Art was completely devoted to the church and except for portraits of rich people, was the only art form accepted at the time. Bosch was pretty much the first Surrealist, although you could argue that all religious art is surreal since it is depictions of invisible divine figures who have never been seen by the artists. In that sense, the artists had to imagine what these gods looked like, maybe dreaming about them, thus making them Surrealists as well.  Anyway, I did a little research about the Garden of Eden and according to the King James version, Genesis 2:22 is when god makes Eve out of the rib of Adam. So I thought that this would be the time of day that this picture takes place. So this picture is exactly what was happening at 2:22 on October 26, 0. Or would this be year Negative One? I think year 0 is cooler, so we're going to leave it at that. Okay? Good.

#42 "Space/Time Kissing Contest" October 12, 2011 in Color!

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So, people have been blogging about being waiters for as long as the internet has hosted blogs, so I feel like this one is just another drop in the bucket of blogs about waiting tables. I guess the most famous one is Waiter Rant, although that one lost its significance when the guy got fired/quit his restaurant and wrote a book about the whole thing. I read the book. At times I found it funny but as a waiter, maybe it was too close to home, but in actuality I imagined working with this clown and I ended up not liking the guy or the book very much. I recently found another blog that has been getting some legs on the interwebs called The Bitchy Waiter. Again, some funny and valid gripes about the industry, and again; thank the baby jesus I don't work with this clown. I hate my job just as much as the next guy, but I try to see the positive side of it as much as I can. Yes, I will get in the weeds and hate everyone on the earth and wish I could just be at home watching Frankenweenie, but I know that sooner or later I will be in that exact spot so why worry about it. I know that these guys are really just venting their frustration about work onto the internet for everyones enjoyment, and I am glad they are doing that. The internet should know when they are being obnoxious when they go out to dinner. In fact, everyone should read these blogs so as to learn restaurant manners. Think about it. Back in the days, most places didn't allow children. You had to wear a blazer to dinner, shorts and jeans weren't allowed, and the ladies had to wear dresses. Going out to dinner was an event, not a mere formality. Now, that being said, I am sure that waiters back then had it a lot worse than the waiters of today. For one thing, the tips were way smaller, but then so was the bill. I mean, everything was cheaper back then, so of course they are going to get smaller tips, if any at all. Also, the customers back then were all children of the Depression, so they were probably extremely tight with the old purse strings and very vocal about it. I still have customers like this. I attribute their curmudgeonly ways to them being older than dirt, but I bet some of them have been that way since they were young and hip. The moral of the story is that there is always going to be bad customers, just like there is always going to be bad waiters. So, no matter how much these guys rant and bitch about the customers being complete idiots, the situation is never going to change. People are always going to have crazy requests, and it's only going to get worse. Food allergies are way more common these days than ever before, special diets and food regimens, and low/no carb people aren't going anywhere. They are going to be around forever, and I'm sure a lot of them don't like to cook because even they find themselves obnoxious, so they'll be dining out tonight and every night henceforth. I guess the only thing that these bloggers and all waiters nationwide can hope for, is that the new generation of diners learns how to tip. I think all of these bloggers should recommend the Tip Calculator App for the smart phones. There should be sponsored links on the sidebars of their blogs and little plugs in all of the blog posts. I mean, all the kids have smart phones and the app is FREE! Because, let's face it, if you're always getting good tips, how much bitching are you really allowed to do?
Apparently, a lot. Sad emoticon.

#42 "Space/Time Kissing Contest" October 12, 2011

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This one didn't start with the wine stain. I'm not sure if the wine stain was on purpose or not, either. I am pretty sure, the girl on the bike and the fox were the first things drawn here. The fox was actually drawn by Tim's girlfriend Catherine. Or, it was a collaboration. That was when Tim and I still worked together on Sunday nights. I still work the bar on Sunday night, so if you're not doing anything on Sunday, come down and hang out with me. Tim couldn't take the jazz any more. That, and Sundays are a nice day to spend with loved ones, not at a bar or at work, which are one in the same when you work at Cafe Loup. I personally miss him working on Sunday night, as it is my favorite shift at the Loup. For me, it is because I am the bartender and I love being behind the bar. It is so much more enjoyable than waiting tables. It is very different, anyway, which is why I like it so much. Waiters get no respect, while bartenders get all the love. I think it's because the bartender is the last person between you and the booze. A waiter is but a middle man; if your waiter won't get you some booze, you can always bypass him and get it straight from the bartender. The bartender is the guy who can cut you off and throw you out as well. Generally, a waiter has to go through a manager to throw someone out, although I guess they have the power to cut you off as well; but then if you are sneaky, you could always just go straight to the bar! We no longer have a traditional "manager" at the Loup anymore. Ardes is the de facto manager, but she also owns the place, so she's wearing a bunch of hats. I like this about the Loup as I feel like there is a special place in hell for restaurant managers. I have been saying that for years although I stopped for  a while after our last manager died. But then I thought about it, and if there is a traditional hell, like the one portrayed in the Bible, than our last manager is definitely there. He was the poster boy for behavior that would warm up your seat in hell for you. After he died, we didn't get another manager. We have a couple people who are close to being management, but they don't want the title, the pay, or the responsibility. I don't blame them; that is one thankless job, which is probably why managers get the reputation as hell-bound jerks. If you think waiters get no respect, managers get less than no respect; they are in the negative integer column! They are the ones who police the staff, so obviously no one likes them. They have to be there when the place opens and stay until it closes, so when you have 18 hour days every day, you're going to get a little cranky and short tempered. I understand this, which is why I would never want to be a manager myself. I am perfectly happy to stay behind the bar on Sunday nights spilling wine on the Triple Dupe Pads and turning its stain into a one-eyed, ample breasted alien girl with a high pony tail and diddly-boppers, thank you very much. Now, if I could just get Tim to come back and work with me, it would be perfect!
All of that having been said, this one remains one of my all time favorite T&J drawings.

#41 "The 35th Annual Women's Mini Golf Invitational" September 6, 2011

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So, in the last one, "Motivationally Speaking," you can see some orangish spot on the knee of the twins who seem to be battling inside a giant pair of shorts. The spot is Angostura bitters, spilt unintentionally by one of the bartenders or waiters on a not-so-busy night in the summer of 2011. That spot got Tim and I thinking about using the Bitters intentionally in the Loup drawings, and so this is what you have here. I believe what happened is that we put down some random spots which became the person on the far left's eyes and muzzle. I then colored in the "eyes" on the planet on the right hand side. Had we not had to white out the center and give the mini golf course a little castle, this may have been a perfect T&J drawing. We might not have even had to color it in, since the bitters makes such a nice color, and compliments the creme colored dupe pad so nicely. Oh well. The Bitters looks and tastes great. If you haven't had a Bitters and Soda recently, I highly recommend one. My sister Abbie, doesn't like them because it reminds her of being hungover. I totally get this, as that certain concoction is really good for helping in alleviating the effects of the dreaded hangover. It actually works for that reason, so next time you're hung over get on that train and ride it, my friends. I, personally,  enjoy them as a refreshing beverage during my shifts at the Cafe Loup. Years ago, I was working with this guy at The Lighthouse Inn; Rich was his name, and he and I were enjoying a cigarette in the old smoking room down in the Lower Deck. We were talking about refreshing non-alcoholic beverages that you could drink during the shift, and he told me about Bitters and Soda. He said there was nothing more refreshing after running your ass off all night for the tourists. I had never had one at the time, so later that evening when we were still in the middle of our dinner rush, I went behind the service bar and poured myself a tall Bitters and Soda and gulped it down in one fierce chug. I never looked back; to this day I drink a couple of these during the night while waiting on the good people of the Tri-State Area. It doesn't have to stop at the non-alcoholic level; there are so many great drinks that have, no, need bitters in them to really perform at the professional level. There is The Manhattan and The Sazarac, The Dark & Stormy, The Bloody Mary, The Michelata, The Champagne Cocktail, and so many more delicious beverages that just wouldn't be the same without some delicious bitters to amplify and round out the flavors. I still say that I only drink Manhattans as a platform for the bitters; after a night of Bitters and Soda, I like to switch the ingredients, but not the bitters. I guess in Brooklyn these days, people are making Artisinal Bitters which are apparently pretty good. People are trying different flavor combinations like pineapple, cinnamon, celery and chocolate! I am sure all of these are good, I have tried the celery and it is phenomenal, but you give me a bottle of Angostura and some soda and I am one happy dude. We have another bottle of bitters at the bar that you will end up seeing a fair amount of in upcoming drawings, but we'll burn that bridge when we get to it.

#40 "Motivationally Speaking" July 31, 2011 In Color.

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So, then there's marijuana. Right smack dab in the middle of this drawing is a large, pink bong who's smoke is turning into a many-toothed, one eyed monster who is being eaten by another monster of similar variety but of a different color. This could only be imagined by someone actually smoking the bong at the top of the page, right? Yes, and no. We don't actually have a bong at the Cafe Loup. In fact, the last time I saw a bong like that (other than on St. Mark's or in the head shop) was probably in college, filled with a mixture of water and Vick's VapoRub. Anyway, smoking weed at work is one of the worst things one can do for themselves. As a waiter you have to interact with all sorts of people,  do math equations and speed and timing is of the utmost importance; all of which can be highly stressful and uncomfortable while high on the wacky tabacky. One time I was working at a place called Clancy's on Cape Cod. This was a no-nonsense place where we were busting out 300 dinners a night and the pace was frenetic. Every waiter was required to work one lunch shift a week because no one actually wanted to work lunch. The shift was not financially viable and the slowness and nice weather during the summer made it a grim shift. So, one day I decided to try out some pot brownies I made right before going in to work my lunch shift at the restaurant. I only took a tiny corner because I didn't know how strong the brownies were and didn't want to be baked at work. Well, as you can imagine, I was baked at work. The brownies kicked in right about the time we opened up, after all the coffee and sidework. And wouldn't you know it, we got slammed. I was running all over the place trying to make things work. I was forgetting everything possible so I had to make 3 trips where usually I could do it all in one. The cooks all knew I was wasted so they kept messing with me and then when we were all in the weeds, their fascination turned ugly and insulting. All of this made for the worst shift of my life. After that day, I always thought that if there was a hell, that's what I would be doing; an endless lunch shift that's increibly busy, with the worst customers, bad tips, and stoned to the bone. Forever.
Now, in general, there is a lot of pot smoking in the restaurant business. That dude from Waiter Rant is always talking about dishwashers smoking weed, where the waiters prefer the booze. I would say that that is probably pretty accurate, except at the Loup. Our dishwashers are certainly stone free, although we used to have some dudes who liked to smoke a lot. I think there is a description somewhere in the archives about one of them getting me so high I had to sit at the bar, not talk to anyone and draw one of these drawings.  However, those days are gone, and there are only a handful of stoners left at the Loup. I'm not sure if that is because everyones getting old or if it is merely a coincidence. I, however, would recommend marijuana to anyone who wants to, or is currently waiting tables. Maybe not during service, but certainly afterwards. I really feel like it gives you some perspective into your day. Yes, it may have been a difficult shift for many hours. Yes, your co-workers may have ripped you off and been complete idiots on the floor. Yes, you may have been stiffed by a bunch of old people who were nasty in the first place and even nastier after that second Manhattan. Yes, all of this and more may have happened, but now all the customers are gone, the co-workers are gone, you have a pocket full of money and you are really, really high. All of that petty nonsense can be washed away and let go. Everything is going to be A-Okay.
That is, until your next shift. And then it starts all over again. Better restock!

(P.S. I was really happy to bring the "Brooklyn Ol'Dirty Bastards" football team back for this one. Some of you might remember this football team from Tim & Jeremy #7. If Brooklyn ever gets a professional football team, I hope they take this team name into consideration.)

#40 "Motivationally Speaking" July 31, 2011

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When I first started working at the Cafe Loup in February of 2002, one could still smoke in restaurants and bars in New York. We had a smoking section up front and you could smoke at the bar as well. Some of the bar tenders smoked behind the bar and we as waiters could smoke at the bar, right at the end closest to the Waiters Station. It's funny to think that at one time, you could be waiting on someone not two feet away and take a cigerette break right in front of them. They wouldn't even mind, and in more than one case, someone would need something, notice you were smoking and give a gesture indicating that whatever they needed could wait until you were done with your smoke break. When smoking was going to be banned, all the smokers were in an outrage. We thought that we were going to lose a ton of business at the Loup. People were talking about how it would never catch on, that the smokers would win, that the ban would be overturned and the smoking sections would stay. Well, the ban came and went and I think the only customer who we actually lost was Dany Levy. Lloyd would lament the loss as, "She was using me for my smoking section." Ten years later, one forgets that you could smoke in restaurants; it seems insane that you were ever aloud to in the first place. I am a smoker of many years. I quit in December, but even as a smoker, I have a hard time imaging that past reality. I think of all the people who complain about the music being loud and all kinds of other insane complaints and I can't believe that these people ever went out to eat while smoking was allowed in restaurants. I guess people didn't know any better at the time and so it was a given, and it was part of going out. That is really the only explanation I can think of. That, or they were the people who initiated the ban. I personally like that this happened. I remember going out to bars back then and waking up nauseous at the smell of my clothes and hair. Everything always smelled like stale ash, and I was one of the people who was contributing to the problem and loving it.
So here we are ten years later and one can still smoke at the Cafe Loup, but you have to know when. It's one of our awesome little secrets that when it is found out by a non-regular, is news so good, it's as if we told them they won the lottery. These people get so excited, they wax nostalgic about how smoking and drinking go hand in hand and that's the way the world should be. They talk whimsically of dividing the country into two states, smoking and non-smoking. They look off into the distance of the back bar and talk about the old days, the good old days and the nights they can't remember anymore. Granted, this is a very secret and hard to come by secret for the customers of the Cafe Loup. We, as employees, were never banned from smoking inside the Loup. We have always been able to smoke there, and as long as Lloyd continues to smoke, we will always be able to smoke there. We can't take our smoke breaks at the bar during service anymore... well, actually, we can and do just that at certain times of the day. We smoke inside during service, and the customers are never aware of it. It's at times like this that one really thinks about the secret lives of New Yorkers. So much happens behind the scenes of every place in New York, one can hardly comprehend it. Smoking is just the tip of the iceberg. 

#39 "Tour De Franzia" July 24, 2011 (In Color!)

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I was going to start this blog off talking about Joshua Topolsky but then I got distracted and had to update my Twitter, FaceBook, Tumblr, and all the rest because he just inspires me to do that sort of thing. So here I am, a half hour later writing what I was going to write a while ago. The reason I bring up Mr. Topolsky is because, not only is he a sometime regular at the Cafe Loup, his reservation for sometime in March(?) of 2011 is written clearly in the bottom right hand corner of the picture above. I made it into a gravestone and I was going to take out the writing in post-production and put in something witty, but then Josh and his comrades kept coming in and being model customers so I decided to leave it in. I like that it is a gravestone now especially, since it says "Josh AOL Niwa(?) 18 9:00." This means that Mr. Topolsky was still writing for AOL's Engadget and was bringing in 17 of his closest associates (at 9pm, natch). When he started his new project, The Verge, he continued bringing in large parties, but I like that "Josh AOL" is now a gravestone, representing his time at AOL. When I turned that into a gravestone, I don't even think I knew who he was yet. It's funny when someone with relative fame comes in on a regular basis and you have no idea who this person is. This happened to me with John Slattery from Mad Men. I wasn't watching the show yet and I was waiting on this handsome dude when Edie came up to me and said, "That guy is on Mad Men." and I think my reply was something along the lines of, "shrug." Now that I have watched all of the episodes ever created, and Roger Sterling is my favorite character, I would probably have quite a different reaction to seeing him sitting at table 16. This goes for a lot of different people, although it's funny that this is something that affects us. My buddy Philip doesn't care who you are when you come into the Cafe Loup, to him they are just another customer. I like his attitude, but for me, if I know that you are some sort of celebutard, famous tech writer, author, musician, national/international figure, I am going to try to give you the greatest service ever. And I don't mean all the hoity-toity waiter nonsense that one would see in a five star restaurant; I mean the down-to-earth, amiable, and friendly service of the Cafe Loup. Because, for me, I want to see these people coming back to the Loup all the time. I want them to be my new regulars. Why, you ask? First and foremost, most of these people are good tippers. I could say, "Nuff Said" here but I won't. Instead I will go on to say that these kind of people are a pleasure to wait on because they know how to act in a restaurant. A lot of our regulars at the Loup are crotchety, grouchy, horribly needy, and evil. I can write this freely, because I know that these people do not read blogs, much less my blog. These are people who have been coming to the Loup since "it was at the old location" and still have no idea how to order or be polite. So, I'm not saying that all celebutards are good tippers and a delight to have in the restaurant; there are some who come in and the sight of them makes you cringe. I am merely saying that I really like people who come in the restaurant, make the job a pleasure and then leave a good tip. I guess if everyone was like this, and one was always only waiting on well behaved celebutards, waiting tables would be a more glamourous job and every wanna-be actress would want to be a waitress. Wait a minute.

#38 "Poseidon Adventure" In color!

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I never worked at a place like Cafe Loup before. I always call it a big, dysfunctional family because it really is. Someone on the interwebs once said, "You can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family." This is indeed true at the old Cafe Loup, except our bosses choose the family for us. But once you are in, you can stay forever. I have been working there for 11 years now. That's right, eleven; with two ones. There have been others like me in the past that are still there in one form or another. We thought this would be a temporary position before something great happened to us and we would move on. Others like me thought that one couldn't possibly work in the same restaurant for more that a year or two. I had worked at several restaurants before the Cafe Loup, but most were seasonal places or places for me to save up a bunch of money before moving on to the next city or ski town. When I started at the Loup I intentionally didn't get close to my co-workers because I truly believed that I wasn't going to be working there for more than a year. I eventually became friends with a lot of my coworkers even when I "quit" the Loup in 2004. I moved to Cape Cod to shoot a movie and thought I was done with the Loup forever. However, after the movie was shot and it was time to edit, I realized I still needed a job, and the Loup took me back. In fact, I got all my old shifts back and it was as if nothing had happened. I did this for the next couple of years; quitting in the summer and getting rehired in the fall. I would go off on extended vacations and tours with my band and the Loup would always welcome me back with all my shifts intact. What other place on the planet would do that? Not only that, but no one ever gets fired. I have said that before here on this blog, but I have to reiterate because it is one of those things that is simply mind blowing. If you want to leave the Cafe Loup, you have to either die or quit outright. There are cases of people getting fired, for sure; but if you have been there for more than 6 months, you can expect to have a job there for the rest of your life, if you'd like. Whether you are good at your job or not; whether you are sober at work or not; whether you show up to work or not, you will always have a job at the Cafe Loup. It's an amazing place. My friend and ex-coworker Sara would freak out every 6 months and very sternly and very seriously tell me that I had to get out of there; that the Loup was a trap and I would never leave. Like the Hotel California, she said, we were all prisoners of our own device. The money is always good, so you never want to leave, and then there you are, eleven years later writing about it on the interwebs. Sara is right on the one hand; the Loup can be a Mobius strip of a place, with the same problems and solutions returning every week. However, on the other hand, it can act as a lighthouse and guide you into safe haven. I'm not saying that is what this drawing is about, but it damn well could be.